Paul's Story
as told by Cherie Dear
Up until September 2020 Paul and I were like many other families with children. Life after playing professional football for Paul was like that for many others - focused on making a living and raising four children who all had a passion for sport. Our lives consisted of juggling after school training and multiple weekend games of sport, work, family and friends. We’ve always tried to have some involvement in our local community too in a variety of ways. Life was busy.
Although still young, we were starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of raising children and work. We had started to think about the next stage in our lives. We dreamt of easing the everyday pressures; children reaching an age of independence, working less and travelling more. When the Covid pandemic hit in March 2020, like many Australians, it really changed things and we thought that life was tough.
In September 2020 we found out just how tough life really could be and our lives changed irrevocably when Paul was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. This came just three years after Paul’s younger sister Nicky had passed away from stage four bowel cancer – a completely unrelated diagnosis.
As Paul’s diagnosis was unfolding a very close friend lost her beloved sister to pancreatic cancer just nine weeks after diagnosis. When Paul received the same diagnosis we were terrified. Nine weeks just wasn’t long enough! But it prompted us into action.
After being told that Paul’s diagnosis was incurable, inoperable and terminal and feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless and fearful of the side effects we’d witnessed during his sister's journey I started exploring.
We had seen Paul’s sister Nicky’s journey with chemotherapy and knowing how dire Paul’s diagnosis was with metastases to his liver and spleen, we knew that time wasn’t on our side and we knew how devastating the experience of chemotherapy could be on the body. We looked for the exceptions to those outcomes. And we discovered those who defied doctor's predictions and managed the side effects of chemotherapy better than anticipated, all had one thing in common – they integrated other approaches and therapies into their treatment.
This inspired us to start believing that Paul’s outcome could be different – where initially we didn’t dare to hope that his outcome could be different to those who had gone before him, finding these outliers gave us HOPE. And HOPE is a precious commodity.
Instead of fear and tears – it helped us live with positivity. It connected us with others on the same journey but beating their own path, it drove us to keep searching and looking for better outcomes. It helped us live with joy instead of dread and kept inspiring us to live our best lives irrespective of the dire hand we’d been dealt.
Having hope, living with optimism and trying integrative therapies doesn’t necessarily change the long term outcome but it can change how much time you do have left and what experiences along the way are like.
Now, because of our experience since Paul's diagnosis over 21 months ago, we want to try to help patients and families diagnosed with this dreaded disease.
We hope by sharing our story we can not only inspire others to “Dare to Hope” - we are saying enough is enough. The only way to do this is to raise awareness of the very real impact of this disease on families and their loved ones and to raise funds for research so that pancreatic cancer treatment and outcomes are brought into the 21st century.
Cherie shared their journey on Instagram under the handle The Cancer Patient's Wife
Since Paul's diagnosis, we've learned the following lessons:
Seize the day
Despite travel restrictions, health scares and surgeries for Paul, we've made the most of every opportunity and spent time away together as a family living in the moment.
We found so much joy in every experience and created precious memories along the way. We have learnt that time is precious, no one knows what’s around the corner, so make the most of every opportunity.
Enjoy the little things
We have found joy in the every day, precious time with friends and family, the beauty of nature, we created a family ritual of trying as often as possible to visit a local marine park to watch the sun go down. It made us stop, take a breath, and give thanks for another day spent together.
Lean on your community
Take good care of your health
Have regular health checks, know your body, if something doesn’t feel right pursue treatment until you get answers.
But ultimately good health is up to you. Even with a cancer diagnosis it’s important to take care of the basics; exercise, good nutrition and good sleep.
Saturday 9 July, 2022
A message from Cherie Dear, Paul's wife...
It is with a very heavy heart that I share with you that my darling Paul said goodbye to us at 6.59pm last night.
On Wednesday night we piled into his favourite old car (which represented him so much) and went for what we didn’t know was his last sunset at one of our favourite places. Like what was often his way, he sat peacefully and quietly and took it all in.
On Thursday he spent the whole day sitting outside enjoying the blue skies and warm sun of the Melbourne winter. I'm so proud of our beautiful family who helped me ensure that we could give him what he wanted - passing peacefully at home completely enveloped in love and comfort.
If you want to do anything that will be meaningful to all of us please consider donating to our Dare to Hope fund and leave a tribute to Paul in your message.
RIP my darling, my love, my one & only.
Don and Paul enjoy a laugh and a cup of tea. Paul knew his diagnosis at this time but Don didn't.
Always engaging with his adored grandchildren
Cherie's Dad Don
Don was a wonderful father and grandfather - caring, generous, and happiest when surrounded by family and friends. He loved watching his grandchildren play sport, and whenever he could, he'd be right there alongside them - always encouraging, always in their corner. He had a glad bag of tricks for testing their skills of observation and problem solving, and took great delight in doing so.
In March 2022, while Cherie sat waiting for Paul at his regular acupuncture appointment, her phone rang. It was Don.
She could not believe what he was asking for - a contact number for one of Paul's specialists. He had just been told there was a shadow on his pancreas.
Cherie was devastated. She knew what it meant. The horror she was already living was about to repeat itself. When Paul finished his appointment, she couldn't hide that she'd been crying. When she told him, his devastation ran even deeper than Don's own - Paul already knew what lay ahead, and he understood what it meant in the face of his own mortality.
Don's journey was significantly different to Paul's. An endoscopy confirmed borderline resectable Stage 3 pancreatic cancer. Because of his age, surgery was advised against - though at 76, Don was relatively young and fit. Even so, the rigours of chemotherapy took their toll almost immediately. When he was hospitalised with severely elevated liver enzymes, Don made the decision to stop treatment.
He had watched firsthand the full weight of this disease - and what chemotherapy does to a person. He understood the trade-off: an extension of time, but a diminishment of the ability to truly live it.
Paul died in July 2022. Don followed four months later, on 14 November 2022.
Cherie and her four children - Harry, Nate, Maya, and Calsher - lost the two most important men in their lives to the same lethal disease, within the same year.
The Legacy Continues
Calsher Dear
In November 2024, just two years after losing his Dad Paul to pancreatic cancer, Calsher followed in his Dad's footsteps as a Father Son draftee to Hawthorn Football Club
Debut Game
In a surprise to many, Calsher makes his debut in May 2025, kicking 2 goals - the first one described as having "an angel on his shoulder". Calsher was fortunate to have a win for Hawthorn that came after 5 losses in a row.
Maya Dear
In December 2025 Maya Dear became Hawthorn's first ever Father - Daughter draftee, following in the footsteps of her Dad Paul and joining her brother Calsher.
